11:08am: obama endorsed me for president
so did romney. but i didn't want the job - i prefer something with a challenge
i speak latin in french. i know the capitals and lower cases of all the states. some day all the countries wish to visit me
i party like it's 2999
my house is so green, it's blue. i don't obey the laws of gravity. dixie whistles me. stephen hawking asks me for help with his math homework. i once held my breath for 10 minutes, and let it out for another 5.
my delorean travels sideways in time. it takes carbon monoxide and makes gas. it goes so fast it gets there before i leave. when i finished the kessel run, i wasn't tired enough so i did it again as a kessel jog.
stan lee thinks my ideas are amazing. he wants to base comics on some of my traits, but he has to break them up into several characters because it wouldn't be realistic for one to have that kind of power
i talk to the walls and they answer
i have accidents on purpose. when i drop a subject, my servants pick it up. i pay them with nuggets of wisdom. they are now independently wealthy.
metallica downloads my music
when i view thumbnails they receive manicures. when i was born, i slapped the doctor. he thanked me
my voice travels faster than the speed of sound. birds like to hear me sing. tony bennett asks me for vocal lessons
i can tie my shoes with my toes. with my feet in them. i don't wear socks - they slow me down
credit cards apply to be in my wallet. fancy restaurants ask me what my dress code is. they call to book me going there months in advance.
i drive my chauffer places because i don't want him to work too hard. santa claus tells me what he wants for christmas
i once saved a jetliner full of people. they live in my backyard. i tell them to keep it quiet on sundays because my neighbors have to go to work the next day
i made jodie foster straight
because there's only one of me, utah wants to make polygamy legal. but only for me
the sweet nothings i whisper in a woman's ear are worth something. past
occurrences are being traded on the stock markets in NY and japan.
when i hold the door open for a woman she wishes to keep it as a souvenir. their parents get nervous when she brings them home to meet me. they prepare speeches and include their achievements in hopes of meeting my approval.
if you call upon me, i will try to meet you with humility